top chef

I am not the world's worst cook!

I am the world's worst cook that's still trying perseveringly, getting worse every time while preparing elaborated dishes from Chinese non-cuisine to French pastry.

This would not make me feel so much on the "worst" side if my boyfriend were not this great creative genuine cook.
And if my mother would not literally be the greatest baking master of all times, while a perfect traditional cook as well.

Don't get me wrong, I can pull a soup or some other type of food anybody can get right.
It's just that I love cooking so much that my imagination is pushing me to attack all these mixtures that make sense in my mind but my execution is so amateurish and the result so bad that I cannot even force myself to eat it in my stubborn pursuit to show my boyfriend that it's a matter of taste.

Last night my boyfriend told me that my food was good (not delicious, just good) and asked me the chicken recipe.

It was not the first time hearing that but this time my soul felt that the most appropriate reaction would be a smile. It came out to be a wide one and he must have felt like he'd said something funny.

It all seemed to me like my father was telling my mother "I love you!" in an ancient way and I smiled again remembering... how my mother would always ask if the food was good and my sister and I would never understand why the food critique is so important. Only my father would say the food was good while watching my mother's reaction.

I may have over the top culinary ambitions because of my love for cooking but it's not all that it is...I feel now that it's all related to my struggle of becoming the woman that was implanted in me while I was a child.

And I know that next time I'll eat my mother's food I'll say it's good out loud.